10 Headlines You Would See If The Avengers Lived In East Texas
If fantasy became reality, and the super heroes we saw on the big screen were stationed in East Texas, these are the headlines we’d most likely see in the Lufkin Daily News, KTRE, and on our own radio station sites.
Black Widow Joins East Texas BombersRoller Derby Gets Dangerous
Natasha Romanov, aka The Black Widow was seen doffing her black combat boots and exchanging them for roller skates.
The main issue with this is that another member of the team already had the nickname “Black Widow,” so Natasha is going by the alias, Soviet Slammer.
Hulk Smashes Road At First Street IntersectionThe one in front of the radio station
The intersection by the McDonald’s and us (TSM Radio Station) is the worst!
Bruce Banner sat at the intersection, waiting patiently for his turn to go, but drivers coming from Raguet, First Street, and Timberland didn’t seem to know whose turn it was, causing the scientist to completely lose it.
The Vapor Room was completely demolished.
Spider-Man Somehow Bitten By Lovebugs Is Now Two Spider-Men Attached At The ButtYeesh
That poor Spider-Man. He was already having trouble adjusting to life without tall buildings to swing from, and now this? His second bite by a radioactive bug has left him strangely deformed.
At least now he (they) can fly. We don’t have an image because our reporter Peter Parker has mysteriously stopped photographing the web-slinger.
Pollen Covered Ironman Crashes DownCan’t Fly If You Can’t See
Tony Stark is smart, but not smart enough to install pressure washers or windshield visor wipers on his helmet.
Thanos Sold At Farmers Market After Being Mistaken For Eggplant
Some nice folks made an eggplant Parmesan out of him. The city rejoices.
Angelina Arts Alliance Presents ‘A Night of Magic’ With Dr. Strangeand Scarlett Witch
We don’t need Doctor Strange messing with time loops in Lufkin. It already feels like we’re in the movie ‘Groundhog Day.’
He’d perform some magic for the kiddos at either the Lufkin Middle School or the Angelina College Theater. He won’t, however, be able to fill the seats. That’s just how it is around here.
Loki Causes Scene At Lufkin MallOutrage Over Lack of Hot Topic
We’re not sure if Loki wanted to shop at Hot Topic, or if he was just upset that preteens wouldn’t be able to show their love for him by wearing hoodies bearing his gorgeous face.
Update: Hot Topic is gone. Is Loki to blame?
Groot Still Missing in Davey Crockett National Forest
He just really likes being around his fellow trees, and folks looking for him say he’s really well hidden.
Black Panther Campaigns for Lufkin Panthers To Change School Colors
Sorry King T’Challa. The Nacogdoches Dragons use black, and it would be too similar.
Bucky Barnes Changes Name To Buc-eeHe really wants to fit in somewhere
James “Bucky” Barnes hasn’t exactly felt welcome anywhere in the recent years. He recently legally changed his name to resemble the Buc-ee’s chain of shops in order to improve his approval rating among East Texans.