Texas Police Track Down $800 Brisket Theft Suspects

There are a lot of things you don’t mess with in Texas and brisket is definitely one of them!

But that didn’t stop two men in Laredo from allegedly trying to walk out of H-E-B with more than $800 worth of the good stuff. Yes. Brisket. Plural.

A Cart Full of Brisket Raises Some Questions

According to police, the two suspects loaded up a shopping cart with brisket and other high-end cuts before attempting to exit through the pharmacy entrance.

Bold strategy.

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Unfortunately for them, there’s still no such thing as a prescription for brisket. An H-E-B employee stopped them and asked for a receipt, which, as you can imagine, they did not have. That’s when things went from grocery run to getaway attempt.

The suspects took off in a gray Chrysler 300, leaving behind what might be one of the most Texas crime stories of the year.

The incident happened back in March, but police tracked them down weeks later. One of the suspects was already in custody at the Webb County Jail on unrelated charges when warrants were served.

Brisket Theft Is Weirdly Becoming a Thing

As ridiculous as it sounds, this isn’t exactly a one-off.

Brisket has quietly become one of the most stolen items in Texas, especially around the holidays. Back in December, another Laredo suspect tried to sneak out with a brisket tucked under his sweater, which is a bold move considering the size, and smell of brisket.

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And in Buda, police caught a suspect who allegedly swiped around 20 briskets from multiple stores in the Austin area, totaling about $1,700. Officers even laid them out for a photo like it was some kind of meat-based crime bust.

Is there a brisket black market I’m not aware of?

Between grocery store heists and even reports of stolen barbecue from restaurants like Granzin Bar-B-Q, it’s starting to feel like brisket is less of a meal and more of a high-value commodity.

Either way, if you ever spot a random brisket where it definitely shouldn’t be, there’s a chance it didn’t get there legally.