How To Lose Your Job In Seven Easy Steps (Yes, That’s Sarcasm)
Yes, there may be a touch of sarcasm in that title. Obviously in most situations, we do NOT want to lose our jobs. Though perhaps there are situations where one would very much like to lose their job, if only to avoid having to go through the awkward resigning process.
Whatever the case, let's look at few things that'll get the job of losing your job done, as suggested by employers all over the country:
Step One. Take zero responsibility. If someone asks you to do something--just don't. Even more powerful? Making promises and never keeping them. You know that old adage that says "under promise and over deliver?" If one wants to lose their job, just do the opposite of that. Bonus tips: Don't ever answer messages or call people back.
Step Two. Do your best not to listen. Have to go to a meeting? Fine. But just because your body may be required to attend, or even to show up for a Zoom meeting, that doesn't mean you have to engage your brain. Stare off into space. Surely if anything "important" is said you can find out from someone later.
Step Three. Resent and undermine your co-workers. This one works like a charm. There's nothing like sowing seeds of discord into the workplace with destructive schemes to get the ball rolling on one's inevitable termination. Turn even positive interactions with work friends into a secret conspiracy where all the world is out to get you.
Step Four. Do the absolute bare minimum to get by. I mean, it's a competitive marketplace and there are probably many folks who'd love to take over for you. Aim for a solid C minus on any project with which you're tasked. If anyone complains? Just blame it on a co-worker.
Step Five. Take out any personal frustrations on everyone around you. There are few things more effective when seeking to lose a job that being the most cantankerous human in the building. Problems with the spouse? Snap at your administrative assistant. Kids acting up? Be extra snarky with your customers. See how it goes. Bonus points for never smiling, laughing, or congratulating your co-workers when they've done well.
Step Six. Find problems with EVERYTHING. Now, we're not aiming for constructive feedback on a project. No, this is more about finding fault, in the most negative way possible, with every project, innovation, or policy your company puts forward. After finding the problems, be sure not to offer any alternative solutions.
Step Seven. Wake up every morning and affirm to yourself and everyone around you how much you despise your job. Really make this hatred part of your morning mindset. When you arrive to work seething, make sure to tell your co-workers how much your company sucks. Bonus points: Let your supervisor overhear you in the break room.
And there ya go! The magic recipe for losing your job in two weeks. (End sarcasm.)
Seriously, no matter what work we do--even if we're entrepreneurs--there are going to be things about that work that we don't like. There may be people with whom we don't particularly get along. That's life. But it's INCREDIBLE how much of a difference our mindset makes when approaching anything in life--parenting, relationships, and yes our work.
If you sincerely despise your job and going to work fills you with dread, perhaps it's time to consider making a move. But in the meantime, don't make the days of your life, or anyone else's, miserable.
Exercise: Imagine that you had your own company. Or maybe you are a supervisor in your current position. Ask yourself how would you want your co-workers and employees to engage during the workday? What qualities would you want them to possess? Who are the types of people you'd be most likely to promote?
Are these qualities you possess?